Count Down

Counting down days is probably the best and worse thing to do when you wait. Best because you know it’s getting closer and closer. Bad because it makes it seem farther and farther away. You count the days, the hours and just sit watching the clock. You lose sleep and hope that if you pray enough that you will be able to get a few hours of shut-eye.

He is visiting. He is flying in and I am impatient and can’t stop my mind from running. I am anxious and can’t calm down. I am excited, but to the extreme that my heart is beating to an unhealthy speed. I think I’ll still live. I better fucking live, my man is flying across the country to freaking see me. I am not dying before he sees me. I don’t know if he would be more depressed or angry with me if I did. Let’s not think about that.

God, what if he doesn’t like me? I am nervous. I know he will, but still. We’ve been dating for eleven months now, how could he not like me. Or, what if he gets bored? I am pretty lazy when I’m out of school or work. I get so tired that I don’t want to do anything. He always makes fun of me for it. He says it’s cute, but then I look down at my clothes and realize I look like a bum. Poor guy doesn’t know I own more pajamas than actual clothes. I don’t know when is a good time to tell him that. Don’t know if that’s really important. Why in the hell am I talking about my fucking clothes? I don’t care about clothes. Jesus!

I love him.


*Whispers* I hope we don’t get lost in the city. I have lived here for almost two years, but as sad as this is, I have not explored enough to trust that I can completely find my way home. As long as we stay on some main streets or where I can see certain buildings, then I think we will be okay. Yea, no, we will be okay. * Self-talk* We won’t get lost. GPS is a friend. It will be okay.

I’m just sitting here, in the middle of the night, not able to sleep. It’s about two am (or 0200 if you want to go military). He’s flying in tomorrow night. I still have school tomorrow, well technically today. How am I supposed to think and do well at all? I have a freaking test today! Lord help me. Please.

Hmm, he has work today too. He’ll be up in about an hour. I think it’s stupid. He wakes up just to relax for another hour and then starts getting ready. Maybe it’s a guy thing. I wake up when I need to get up and then I get my crap together and go. I don’t need more than half an hour. Unless I lose something, of course. I wonder what time he gets off work. He has to get on the plane by seven. I don’t know if that’s his time or mine. God, time zones are such a bitch.


Okay, time jump. Test, done. Freaking out with excitement, done. Spring extreme cleaning, in the process.

Time jump. It is now eleven pm (2300) and his plane is right above my city. Sorta, enough to be close to the ground. My family is mostly asleep. My cousin is helping me prep myself. Mostly just telling me to calm down. Yea, because that’s going to happen. That’s tough shit.

Heading to the airport. Will update later.


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