Staring at the Ceiling

Have you ever had one of those nights where it is literally impossible to sleep? Whether it be because there’s noise or it’s too hot or cold in the room. Whether it be because of a fear of a storm or frustration from that day killing your mind. That’s me tonight. Not because of the things I suggested above. No. Actually, at this point, I am not entirely sure why. I know it sucks.

It’s been almost a week now. I haven’t cried and I haven’t cringed at seeing other couples kissing or saying they love each other. I used to do that out of jealousy. I just smile and fall in love with the memories of when he was here. Home, with me.

His family has all reached out to me. It is nice and makes my anxiety taller than skyscapers. I like them and assume they like me. It feels that at some point I have become the middle man. Not that I resent it, I understand completely. He is busy saving the world, he may not have time to write everyone. I know he writes to me everyday he can. I know I can wake up and know that nine out of ten times have one waiting for me. I know his family misses him. I also know that they know I get the most communication out of all of us involved with his life now.

I am constantly being asked if I’m okay, how are you, how is he, where is he, when will he be home? “I’m so sorry, I hope he comes home.”

Uhmm…. I don’t know how to respond anymore. Yes, I’m okay. I am doing great with some minor headaches. I don’t know and couldn’t say if I did know where he is. And the military hates everyone, so, it will never been known for sure when they will get back. I don’t have a rough estimate either. That’s not a disclaimer either. And lastly, don’t be sorry for me. Don’t, please. That’s saying I’m sorry you love someone with a rough job. I know many people love others with rough jobs. Outside of the military, how many times do you hear I’m sorry for your relationship because it’s hard? I live in the city with millions of people and have only heard it twice. One for me and one for another military SO I have met.

Instead of being sorry for me, support me. Ask me how you can help. Ask me how his family is handling everything. I am not crying. I am not ripping my hair out. Ask me things that bring up good memories. Or hard ones too. Saying sorry…. I haven’t lost him. I love a man that is still with me.


“Distance is nothing when one has motive.”-Jane Austen.

“Contray to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful; it is for the brave. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love.”-Meghan Daum

“How lucky I am to something that makes saying goodbye so hard?”-A.A. Milne

“It doesn’t matter where I am. I’m yours.”-Unknown

“The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again.”-Charles Dickens


Some quotes I really love to read when I’m feeling down in the dumps. I love him and I know he loves me. I will wait for my sailor. I am strong enough to do this. I have been doing this. I got this.


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