Guilty as Charged

I didn’t commit an actual crime as the title may suggest, but it sure as hell feels like it. Fuck, does it feel like it.

I forgot he was gone. I forgot he was deployed. I forgot that he wasn’t stateside and that I couldn’t call him at the end of the week to tell him all the random crap I wanted to.

I rode the bus to school today and sometimes the buses have ads or designs on them. It’s pretty cool actually. Today’s bus had a military based design. Saying “Honor our Veterans”. I thought that was awesome. I smiled and wanted to tell him. I know he would’ve thought it was dorky for me to be so happy about such a small thing, but I was happy about it.

I wanted to tell him about a book I finished reading. A military romance. Cheesy, I know. He would say the same thing. He knows I love those kinds of books. I always tell him about them, even though I know he will probably never read the kinds I do. He listens just to listen to me. He enjoys spending that time to hear about something I like. I do the same for him. I absolutely can not stand history. I don’t understand it, but he is a major history buff. I will ask him questions about a certain era and he will get so excited about it and go on for over an hour with details on it. I love hearing him be so passionate about it. I hate history, but I love him. A plus to that also is that I actually remember the things he talks about instead of when I look at textbooks.

I want to tell him about my new pen pal that I have just got. I am on some support groups that are pretty awesome and they just set up to where we can have pen pals. I just sent out my first letter to the lady two days ago and hope to hear from her soon. We exchanged addresses over messenger to start and agreed that would be the end of talking except over letters. I haven’t had a pen pal since I was about twelve.

I want to tell him about this blog. I told him that I thought about doing it, but never actually did. A few days before he left, I started it. I didn’t think I would like it. I didn’t think anyone would read it or follow it. I assumed I would post twice and give up. Then he left and I am using it more as a journal than for what others might read. Then he left and the memories of a million things come rushing back and I want to write them down before I forget them.

I wanted to tell him about the recruits that were running by my house yesterday and doing other training. I love seeing them, not checking them out, just knowing that they will be where my man is one day. I thought I would be funny and started running with them, acting like a DS (drill sergeant) and yelling that they keep going and go faster. The real DS’s were laughing and thought this 5’4 little girl acting like them was the funniest thing. I had fun doing it. The recruits smiled and actually did start to run faster. I was kinda proud of myself and going back into my house, my family just started laughing and said “Woooooow”.

But how could I forget? Deployment is the biggest thing to happen to our relationship…. How could anyone in my spot forget?

So, I’m guilty as charged. I know he won’t be mad, thank God.

I love him.


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