A Strong First

Before any of you guys go and get sick minded, I’m not talking about sex. Thanks for going there though, I guess.

No, I’m talking about our first strong, intense conversation. It was pretty quick into us meeting too.We were texting and for me, I was glad. I was crying over the topic. I didn’t want him to know that fact. We were talking about death. We both had lost someone recently at that time and it was hitting both of us pretty hard. I was honestly surprised he was okay continuing the conversation over something that deep and personal, we barely knew each other. For hours that night, we talked. About life and death and how everything in between was too short and honestly taken granted for. Thinking back to it, I think that was the first time I subconsciously started liking him. Knowing that someone had the same mindset as me, didn’t mind talking about the deep stuff of life and was okay getting personal with me. It meant a lot to me. I had grown up around men that were all the same. Stone hard rocks that had no emotion and if they did they were weak and the community shunned then. It was some pretty shitty crap. The fact that I met someone that grew up in the same kind of place that was so different made me grateful of our small world.

We talked about goals and the future, not even thinking about each other being apart of it. My wanting to work in a hospital and save people. His wanting to protect the world and his family. We both wanted to help people. He had a more realistic goal and more realistic way of doing it. I wanted, still want to save everyone.

We talked about fears. Fears of failure. Fears of success. Fears of life and of death. My fear of spiders and his small fear of heights.

We talked about everything deep that seemed to only be the surface for us. I don’t know what he thought of everything, I don’t know if I’ll ever know. He likes to keep an air of mystery about him. I finally felt comfortable with him, to a point. It had been a long time since I had felt comfortable with a guy and it meant a lot to me. Maybe it’s why I started liking him, maybe it’s why I started trusting him. Really, it meant a lot to me.

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